Asal Tutorial : How to Deal With Opinionated People

Steps

Part 1

Confronting the Opinionated Person

1
Figure out if you need to confront this behavior.
Interacting with opinionated people is unavoidable, so, you’ll have to pick your battles wisely to make sure that you’re not engaging in verbal warfare when such people cross your path.
- If the opinionated person is a coworker, you might be able to put up with the annoying behavior by politely listening or tuning it out. Ask your other coworkers for advice. It’s likely that your opinionated coworker has a reputation and that other people have developed methods of dealing with his or her tendencies.
- In cases where the opinionated person is a social acquaintance or distant family member, you might simply choose to see that person less often or only spend time with him or her when you’re with others who can create a buffer zone. Again, ask your mutual friends for advice on better dealing with this person.
- When the opinionated person is a close friend or family member, you might need to confront the issue before it causes irreparable damage to the relationship. Particularly, if the opinionated person is your partner, you will probably have to bring up the topic, perhaps more than once. Address the issue before hurt feelings cause you to withdraw and become distant from your loved one.
2
Confront the person in private.
No matter who you are confronting, you’ll want to take that person aside and have the conversation in private. Having the conversation in public will only cause embarrassment and hurt feelings.
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- Maintain a respectful tone. Your tone and attitude will be important if you want to take the step of addressing the situation with the opinionated person. Make sure your tone isn’t angry or sarcastic, and speak softly while maintaining a nonthreatening posture. If the other person gets angry, don’t raise your voice or get similarly agitated.
- Remain calm and restrained in your interactions. The worst way to interact with an opinionated person is to be combative and domineering. This approach will invariably lead to a game of one-upmanship to prove who knows the most or who can dominate the other. No one wins in this situation.
3
Model ideal conversational strategies.
You can’t hold someone else to a standard that is higher than the one you use for yourself. Thus, for the know-it-all, you should model that you don’t know everything and that you recognize that admitting your shortcomings is not a sign of weakness.
- Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Though you’ll feel as if the other person is causing the problem, you should resist the temptation to speak in an accusatory manner. Instead, frame your issue from your perspective.
  - “I have been feeling like you don’t always respect my opinion” is better than saying “You talk all the time and you don’t respect me.” ^[2]
- Listen as much as you talk. It’s possible that the opinionated person will be angry or indignant that you are confronting him or her. If that happens, take a deep breath and make sure to listen and not talk over the other person. If you need to walk away before the conversation escalates, don’t be afraid to do so.
- Practice active listening.^[3] If the person is defensive and tries to explain his or her perspective, repeat what the person says to prove that you’re hearing the words accurately.
  - You could say something such as, “I hear you saying that you don’t want to offend me and that I’m overreacting. But I'm still bothered by your comments, and I wish my feelings were taken into consideration.” ^[4]
4
Show respect during the confrontation.
Even if the opinionated person is a buffoon who knows nothing about the topics he or she is spouting off about, you should always treat that person like a human being with sincere beliefs and feelings.
- Asking questions also signals respect. The opinionated person is less likely to dismiss your concern if it seems as though you are trying to understand their perspective.
  - Examples of questions to ask during confrontation include: "How can I better communicate with you?" or "What do you think we both can do to improve our working relationship?"
- Arm yourself with facts. When confronting an opinionated person, it's important to demonstrate how their behavior is detrimental to others, including yourself. Share facts and figures about how workplace collaboration is diminished when one person runs the show, or, how friendships are broken when one person's voice isn't valued.^[5]

Part 2

Dealing With an Opinionated Person

1
Bite your tongue and smile.
In some cases – such as when the opinionated person is in a position of authority over you – you’ll have little choice but to make the best of a bad situation.
- Reframe your conversations away from topics that make you uncomfortable. If you don’t want to talk about the topics that the opinionated person brings up, shift focus to topics you find more interesting. Ask the person about his or her family or interests -- anything that will be preferable to talking about things that cause them to get on their soapbox.
2
Have an exit strategy.
If you know you’re going to have to spend time with an opinionated person, make plans for minimizing the time you spend together.
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- At work, this could mean avoiding areas where that person is or having a reply prepared so that you can excuse yourself and leave the situation. At family events, plan activities that will allow you to avoid face-to-face conversations.
3
Establish boundaries.
If the opinionated person insists on talking about religion, politics, or any topic that makes you feel uncomfortable, attempt to privately tell that person that you don’t like to talk about such things and that you’d appreciate avoiding those discussions.
- Be firm. If the person keeps bringing up those topics, remind him or her that you don’t want to have that discussion.
- Say something such as “I know you don’t want to offend me, but that topic makes me uncomfortable. I really don’t want to talk about it.”
- Or, simply deflect: "Let's talk about something lighter, huh? Tell me, how is that new baby of yours?"
4
Be tactful.^[7]
If the opinionated person is constantly giving advice or trying to show you a better way to do something, simply respond with a respectful “Thanks for the suggestion” or “I appreciate you pointing that out to me.” If he or she is correct, you’ll want to follow the advice. If not, simply ignore it and do what’s best.
- Realize that you might find yourself reacting against the opinionated person. There might be times when the opinionated person really does know what he or she is talking about but is putting forth his or her opinions in an obnoxious or domineering way. In those cases, you might be tempted to ignore his or her advice, simply to make a point. Don’t let anger cloud your judgment.
- Resist the temptation to be passive-aggressive. Even if you don’t get into a shouting match with an opinionated person, you might be tempted to roll your eyes at them or mutter snide comments under your breath. Doing so will only increase the tension between you and the opinionated person.

Part 3

Thinking Differently About the Opinionated Person

1

Realize opinionated people might have no insight into their behavior. In most cases, an opinionated person isn't trying to be offensive and might wonder why people avoid him. If you offer empathy instead of judgement, you might be integral in helping him better understand his situation.
2

Try to get to know the person at a deeper level.
If you already don’t like the person, it will be difficult to want to get to know him or her better. Even so, try to see the person as a human being, with a family and friends and a life. The more you get to know them as a person, the easier it will be to show empathy.
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3
See the opinionated person as a potential resource.
Since the opinionated person has no shortage of opinions to offer, you might be able to use whatever knowledge he or she possesses to your advantage.
- For instance, the person might know something about office dynamics where you work and be open enough to give you information that no one else will. If the person is a family member, he or she might tell you stories that everyone is too polite to mention. You might be surprised what you’ll learn.
4

Find common ground.^[9]
Even if you find the person obnoxious, you almost certainly have areas of interest that overlap. If you don’t want to talk about politics, maybe you share an interest in music. Or, if you don’t want to talk about sports, maybe you can discuss adventures with family and parenting. Find those areas you have in common and focus on them.

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Tips

Learn the difference between opinions and harassment.^[10] If a coworker persists in bringing up topics that are sexually inappropriate or excessively personal in nature, you don’t have to engage with them. Such comments can create a hostile workplace environment; you have the right to speak with management.
If you confront an overly opinionated coworker or other professional acquaintance about their behavior, and he or she doesn’t listen or increases that behavior, you might have to talk to someone in a position of authority. Exercise caution. Once you take this step, you can’t predict the outcome. You might be seen as a troublemaker or malcontent, and you might cause someone to be reprimanded or lose his or her job.
If the stress you feel from having to deal with opinionated people is becoming unmanageable, don’t be afraid to speak with a counselor. It can be difficult to view a situation objectively when you’re in the middle of it. An objective outsider might offer insights you can’t see.

Asal Tutorial

Saturday, November 19, 2016

How to Deal With Opinionated People

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