How to Reduce Debt Using a Balance Transfer

Using a balance transfer might be a good way to reduce your debt. Some credit card companies offer a low or 0% introductory APR for a limited amount of time, which will allow you to contribute more to your debt. Find a credit card to transfer your balance to and then identify which debts you want to transfer. Remember to use all money available to pay down your debt as soon as possible. After the promotional period ends, you will be charged interest again on your debt.

EditSteps

EditFinding Cards with a Low APR

1. Check your current cards. You might have a credit card that already offers balance transfers. Often, the bank will send you something in the mail letting you know you can make a balance transfer.
   
   • Alternately, you should look at your online account and check. There may be a link for “balance transfer” or “consolidate debt.” If you don’t see anything, call and ask a customer service representative.
   • Pay attention to whether a current card is already carrying a balance. For example, you might have a $3,000 balance on card A, which you want to transfer to card B. However, card B already has a $2,000 balance. If you make the transfer, then the minimum payment amount will go to the amount with the lower APR.^[1] Meanwhile, the original $2,000 balance continues to accrue interest at 14.99%.
   • In the above situation, you might want to make a balance transfer to a new card.
2. Search for credit cards online. There are many websites where you can compare credit cards. Remember that you can’t transfer a balance between cards with the same bank.^[2] Accordingly, look for cards offered by a different bank. Use the following comparison websites:^[3]
   
   • Bankrate.com
   • CardHub.com
   • CreditCards.com
   • CreditKarma.com
   • NerdWallet.com
3. Compare terms. You want to get a card that has the most favorable terms so that you can pay off your debt as fast as possible. Consider the following terms when comparing credit cards:
   
   • Transfer rate. Many cards offer a 0% APR for a certain amount of time (such as 12-18 months). The longer this promotional period, the better. You can save thousands of dollars in interest depending on your balance.^[4]
   • Transfer fee. Most cards will charge a certain amount, such as 3-5% of the total balance amount.^[5] If you transfer $10,000, then a $300-500 fee will be added on top.
   • Transfer window. Some cards will give you only so much time to request the balance transfer.
   • Post-promotion APR. Find out what happens if you can’t pay the entire balance off during the promotional period. Generally, banks will charge you interest only on the remaining balance. However, you don’t want a card that retroactively applies interest against the entire initial transfer.
4. Check your credit score. It’s easiest to get a credit card for a balance transfer if you have a credit score of 680 or higher.^[6] If your score is lower, you might have fewer options or you might not be able to get a card at all.
   
   • You can find your credit score by using a credit card service. Look online. Some companies will provide your score for free.
   • You can also check with a credit counselor or HUD-approved housing counselor, who can typically get your credit score for free.^[7]
   • Finally, you can also buy your score from one of the credit reporting agencies—Experian, Equifax, or TransUnion. You might also buy your FICO score from myfico.com.
5. Apply for the card. You can apply for your card over the phone, online, or using a paper application. In any event, you’ll be asked for some personal information, such as the following:^[8]
   
   • legal name
   • birth date
   • home address
   • contact information (such as phone number and email address)
   • current and previous employers
   • annual income
   • information on other credit cards
   • Social Security Number

EditTransferring Your Debts

1. List your debts. You might not be able to transfer all of your debts to a new card. For example, the new card might have a debt limit of $5,000. If you have $25,000 in total debt, you’ll need to identify which debts to transfer. List the debts and include the following information:^[9]
   
   • total balance
   • interest rate
   • any penalties or fees that are assessed
2. Choose which debts to transfer. Generally, you should transfer your highest-interest debts to the new card. If you have multiple credit card debts, try to move as much of the balance with the highest interest rate.
   
   • For example, your new card might have a $5,000 limit. You have two debts: $3,000 and $6,000. The card with the $3,000 balance has an APR of 29.99% and the other card has an APR of 13.99%. You can use a balance transfer to cover all of the $3,000 balance and then some of the $6,000.
   • Remember that balance transfer fees count toward the maximum you can transfer.
3. Transfer when you open the card. With some cards, you can enter in the account number and the amount you want to transfer when you open the card. This can make transferring the balance very easy.^[10]
   
4. Make a transfer online. Alternately, you might need to go online and sign into your online banking account. Look for a link for “balance transfer” or “promotions.”
   
   • Enter the account number of the credit card with the balance. Then enter the amount you want to transfer. You may also need to provide the payment address for the credit card you are paying off.^[11]
5. Transfer using an access check. Access checks look like personal checks. However, they are tied to your credit card. You can write out a check to the credit card company for the amount you want to transfer.^[12]
   
   • Be careful and read the fine print. Not all access checks are the same. Some banks will let you use them for balance transfers, but others might consider any use of the access check to be a cash advance. Cash advances have huge interest rates, so make sure the access check will count as a balance transfer.
   • Call up and ask questions, if necessary.
6. Deposit money directly into the bank. Some cards allow you to deposit money directly into your bank account from the credit card. Read the card’s terms to see if you can deposit money at the promotional interest rate. Some banks might classify the deposit as a “cash advance.”^[13]
   
   • A direct deposit frees up money to pay off all kinds of debts, not necessarily only other credit card debt. For example, you might owe your mother $1,000. You can deposit this amount of money into your checking account and then cut a personal check to pay back your mother.
7. Stay current on your payments. It generally can take a few days for the transfer to go through. If you haven’t seen it go through within 10 days, then call the credit card company. In the meantime, don’t miss payments.
   
   • For example, your balance transfer might not go through by the time your next payment is due on a card. If not, remember to make payment so you aren’t delinquent.

EditPaying Off Your Debts Faster

1. Make timely payments. If you’re 60 days late on your payment, then the bank might end the promotional period early.^[14] For this reason, you need to remember to pay your bills on time.
   
2. Commit to paying off the balance before the promotional period ends. Your introductory interest rate won’t last forever. Accordingly, try to pay off the balance before you reach the end of the promotional rate period. If you aren’t being charged interest, it should be easy to calculate how much you need to pay each month.
   
   • For example, say your card has a 12-month promotional period at 0%. You transfer $3,000 to the card. Over 12 months, you’ll need to pay about $250 a month (plus the balance transfer fee).
   • If you can’t pay the entire balance in time, you should typically be charged only interest on the remaining balance. However, read your card’s terms.
3. Stop spending. You will only go deeper into debt if you continue to spend.^[15] After seeing their monthly payments decrease, some people use the extra money for luxuries. Instead, you need to direct this extra money toward paying down your debt more quickly.
   
   • To control spending, cut up your credit cards or freeze them in ice. Doing so will prevent you from using the cards.
   • In particular, you shouldn’t use the card with the balance. Instead, store the card away.^[16]
   • Don’t close your old accounts after you move the balances off them. Doing so will hurt your credit score.

EditSources and Citations

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How to Find Happiness As an Introvert

Introverts are typically misunderstood and are mistaken as anti-social people who don’t enjoy spending time with others. As a result, they can feel scrutiny that can affect their happiness. But introverts are just as valuable and exceptional as extroverts. You can achieve happiness by accepting and appreciating your personality, explaining your preferences, and putting yourself out there.

EditSteps

EditAccepting Yourself and Your Personality

1. Realize the only acceptance you need is from yourself. You weren’t put on this planet to gain approval. You are unique and valuable just the way you are. If you want to become more social, do it because you want to, and not because anyone else thinks you should.
   
   • For example, when you want advice, look to the best person who can tell you what you should do, and that person is you. You know yourself better than anyone else and understand what you are comfortable with. When you learn to start trusting your own advice, you’ll likely find that you won’t feel the need to ask others anymore.^[1]
2. Avoid trying to be someone you’re not. When you begrudgingly try to behave in a manner that is out of your comfort zone, you’re likely going to regret what happens. You may end up engaging in something that is against your values. Instead of enjoying yourself and growing from the experience, you may be disappointed in yourself.
   
   • If your friends try to pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with, simply tell them “no.” For instance, you could say “I appreciate that you want me to have fun, but this isn’t something I enjoy. I’m going to pass on this and I need you to accept and understand that.”
   • If they won’t stop pressing the issue, remove yourself from the situation.^[2]
   • If you're experimenting with new activities, or if you're unsure if something is in line with your values, take the time to reflect on how you feel afterwards. Check in with yourself — you might find you enjoyed something unexpectedly, or you may decide that particular activity is not for you.
   • If you're trying to figure out who you are, try journaling, which can help you get to know yourself and your values, which will help you make decisions in the future.
3. Focus on what you love about yourself. Introverts may not be good at spending long amounts of time at busy parties, but they are excellent at many other things. Instead of focusing on what you don’t think you’re good at, or what makes you feel uncomfortable, take time to embrace what you excel at.
   
   • For instance, introverts are usually excellent listeners and are pros at sympathizing with others. They are also typically self-sufficient, highly focused, and have the ability to create meaningful and deep relationships.^[3]
4. Take breaks when you need to, and don’t apologize for it. Being around lots of people can make an introvert feel depleted. You may need to use alone time to recharge. When you’re feeling tapped out, take some time for yourself so that you can be the best person you can.
   
   • If you have to cancel an outing with your friends because you just aren’t up to it, be honest. Tell them, “I’m sorry I can’t join you today, but I’m feeling drained and need to spend time recharging. I would love to hang out with you another day.”
   • If they don’t understand, there’s nothing you can do. Doing something you don’t feel comfortable with will only cause problems for you, and it’s just not worth it.^[4]
   • It may be helpful to look at your schedule and and set aside designated "alone time" each day or week. Try to plan these so that they follow activities you expect to be draining, such as after a party.

EditCommunicating Your Differences

1. Tell people that introverts are not anti-social. Introverts usually get a bad rap when it comes to interacting with others. People often assume that just because introverts get their energy from spending time alone, that they don’t enjoy interacting with others. However, that is simply not the case.
   
   • Being an introvert doesn't mean you are shy, either — these are two different things. An introvert is not necessarily quiet or suffering from social anxiety. Introverts can be bubbly and animated. What makes them introverted is that they need plenty of quiet, alone time to feel good.
   • When someone calls you anti-social, respond with “I enjoy spending time with people. But I get overwhelmed with large groups or when I’m around others for long periods of time. After I get some time to myself, I’m ready to hang out again.”^[5]
2. Prepare what you’re going to say ahead of time. A key characteristic of introverts is that they need time to think. You may do better when you are able to take time and plan out what you are going to do or say. If you know you’re going to meet resistance about a topic with someone, think of your response ahead of time so that you are prepared. Then, you can speak clearly when getting your point across.
   
   • For example, if you know you’re going to be confronted about an ultimatum you’ve been given, you could say, “I have put a lot of thought into my decision, and am still working on it. You’re going to have to give me time. I promise I haven’t forgotten about it and will let you know as soon as I decide.”^[6]
   • Or, if someone unexpectedly springs something on you, you may want to ask for some time to think. You might say, "You've given me a lot to think about, and I'd like to process it for a while and get back to you."
3. Explain that you do like to talk and interact with others. Introverts are sometimes quiet, and some may misinterpret that their silence is because they have nothing to say. On the contrary, introverts are funny, witty, smart, and often have a lot to talk about. The only difference is, they usually only speak when they have something important to discuss. Introverts may not engage in meaningless small talk.
   
   • Engaging in active listening can help with this. If you are smiling, nodding, and acting warmly, you can avoid appearing standoffish.
   • If someone attempts to make a wisecrack about your silence, you can strike back with this funny, yet to the point remark: “Oh, I like to talk. But I only talk when I can improve the silence, unlike some people.”^[7]

EditPutting Yourself Out There

1. Talk to a stranger. Strike up a conversation with someone you wouldn’t normally talk to. If you’re typically shy, taking this big step can not only give you confidence, but could help you gain a new friend. A perfect situation for this opportunity is when you’re standing in line, sitting in the waiting room, or taking a ride on a train or bus.
   
   • Before you speak, realize that they are just another person, just like you. They are no better than you are and would probably like to speak with you. Stick to neutral topics like the weather, or whatever is going on around you.
   • For instance, while you’re waiting for your cup of Joe, you could say, “Wow, this line is really long. People must really need their coffee today.”^[8]
   • If you find yourself in a longer conversation with a stranger and you're not sure what to say, just start asking the person general questions about themselves. Most people enjoy talking about themselves, as long as it's not too personal. Ask about their career, hobbies, if they're from the area, and so on. You might say something like, "Do you work near here?"
2. Join a small group or club. If you want to make friends or learn how to become more comfortable socializing, consider joining a group or club of only a few people. Choose something that interests you, like books or sports, and look for a group that is based on this subject.
   
   • Talking about something you know and like can give you the confidence you need to put yourself out there and find others who enjoy the same things you do.
   • To avoid putting yourself in a situation you don’t like, tailor your group experience to fit your needs. For instance, bring a friend, get there right as the meeting starts if you want to avoid small talk, and hang out together afterwards.^[9]
3. Showcase your skills. Introverts are usually some pretty talented people. If you want to work on putting yourself out there, put some of your skills on display. The positive reaction you’re likely to receive can offer you encouragement that may make you feel more comfortable with showing others just how valuable you are.
   
   • For instance, you could join a local art show, poetry reading, or singing event, like karaoke. Allowing others to see your skills is a good way to network and find others who enjoy the same interests you do.^[10]
4. Suggest a solution for a problem. Standing out at work can be difficult for an introvert. You likely don’t want to make a name for yourself as the most outgoing employee, but you can stand out by fixing problems.
   
   • Use your knack for thinking and come up with a solution to a problem that your boss or other employees have talked about. Doing so can give you the recognition you deserve, in a way that you feel comfortable with.
   • If speaking up during a meeting isn’t your style, talk to your boss one-on-one afterwards, or send an email about your proposal. You could say, “I’ve been thinking about that problem you brought up during our last meeting, and I think I have a solution to it.”^[11]
   • Consider reading books that directly discuss being a businessperson and an introvert. These books will help you build your network, business, and clientele.

EditSources and Citations

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How to Fake Expensive Decor

A well-designed room looks expensive even if it isn’t. Before you invest in décor, try to come up with a theme or idea for the room. Once you have identified what you want your room to look like, search for economical pieces that can pass as works of art. If you’re not having much luck finding pieces in stores, you can even make your own.

EditSteps

EditDesigning a Room that Looks Expensive

1. Choose a unifying theme. A well-coordinated room will look expensive even if the décor is cheap. Choose a theme that will tie together your room. This will help you look for inexpensive pieces while making it seem as though you paid an interior decorator.
   
   • A beach-themed room would have pictures of the ocean, shell decorations, and a blue-green palette.
   • A rustic, woodsy theme would have wood detailing, paintings of landscapes, and an earthy palette.
   • Industrial themes use repurposed items, steel accents, and sharp edges to give the room a more modern edge. Gray, brick red, and black are popular colors.
   • Minimalism is a popular and trendy design scheme where you use as few pieces as possible to decorate your room. Simple furniture and white or neutral colors will make the room look as though it is featured in a magazine, but the style is inexpensive to recreate.^[1]
2. Focus on a neutral color palette. Stick with white or light neutral shades, such as brown or gray, for the base color. Your walls and larger furniture pieces should belong to this color scheme. For example, you might have beige walls with white doors and gray furniture. Your décor will stand out against neutral colors more, which will make them seem more prominent. Some neutral colors you can mix and match include:
   
   • Gray
   • Slate blue
   • Taupe
   • Soft yellow
   • Off-white shades like ivory and cream
   • Coffee brown
   • Tan
   • Beige
3. Add accent pieces. Accent pieces are small decorative items that contrast with your neutral color scheme. They are usually either brightly colored or patterned. Accent pieces can be easily and cheaply be replaced if you ever change your style. Make sure all of your accent pieces are the same color for maximum effect. Some items you might consider for accents include:
   
   • Vases
   • Pillows
   • Blanket
   • Frames
   • Ottoman
   • Tablecloth
   • Flowers
   • Striped, dotted, or chevron patterned objects
4. Choose a focal point. A focal point is a piece of furniture, art, or object that is the primary decoration in the room. Having one grand piece will draw attention to it, making it seem important and pricey.^[2] Some good focal points for a room include:
   
   • A large painting
   • A unique table
   • Two retro mod chairs
   • A wall decal
   • Full-length book shelves
   • An ornate mirror
5. Get rid of dated details. The key to making your décor seem expensive is to follow modern trends. To help your room remain stylish and cool, you should reduce the dated elements of its décor.^[3] Some common out-of-style elements include:
   
   • Vertical window blinds
   • Formica tables
   • Clear plastic furniture
   • Furniture painted to resemble marble or stone
   • Broken decor such as torn posters, cracked vases, or splintered wood
6. Avoid clutter. Limit how many decorative pieces you put out. This creates the impression that you spent more on a few, expensive items instead of buying many cheaper items. When placing your decorative items around the room, keep a little bit of space between each item.
   
   • Instead of filling your shelves, choose a few items, and space them out on each shelf. You might put a vase on one shelf or you might prop up a few books with an old paperweight.
   • Keep your surfaces, such as coffee tables, counters, and TV stands, mostly clear. Choose one or two items to place on these surfaces. For example, you might keep a lamp on a side table with a single picture frame but nothing else.

EditFinding Cheaper Alternatives

1. Visit thrift stores. Thrift stores, charity shops, consignments, estate sales, and antique stores will often have old vintage items that are much cheaper than new. This is a great way to get inexpensive but quality items, such as wooden tables or embroidered chairs.
   
   • Old wooden furniture can always be repainted. If you find a piece that is chipped or faded, you can paint it to match your color palette.
   • You may find interesting and unusual décor in these stores. These will seem expensive because they are unique. For example, you might find a lunchbox from the 60s with old superheroes on it, or you might discover an antique milk pail that you can use for flowers.
2. Shop online. Websites like eBay, Craigslist, and Gumtree allow people to sell their old furniture and décor. Search through these sites to see if you can snag a deal. It may take a little while to find the perfect deal, but you may be able to score a truly expensive piece for very little money.^[4]
   
3. Search online for less expensive replicas. If there is a more expensive piece that you have your eye on, you might be able to find a cheaper replica online. Search for words that are associated with the original piece.
   
   • For example, you might type, “cheap crystal chandelier” to see what pops up.
4. Print out your own art. If you can’t afford originals of art, you can buy prints from the internet. If the artwork is in the public domain, you can even print out your own copy at a print shop, and frame it yourself. This is a great way to get quality reproductions of famous art pieces in your own home without paying a fortune.
   
   • When sending the work to the print shop, make sure you send an HD copy so that you get the best image possible.
   • You can also tear out images from an old calendar and frame them. This is a great way to reuse an old calendar, and the images are all professional quality.^[5]
5. Repurpose items. You might find interesting pieces of décor that can be used for different purposes than intended. These pieces can be a focal point for your room if you choose. Transform your old furniture, or keep an eye out for things that can become tables, wall hangings, or accent pieces.^[6] You might:
   
   • Use an old luggage trunk as a coffee table
   • Hang antique dinner plates on the wall^[7]
   • Drape an old quilt over a chair
   • Frame vintage fashion magazines
   • Make shelves out of old wooden planks
   • Position a TV on a painted crate

EditMaking Your Own Décor

1. Assemble your own built-in bookcases. Floor-to-ceiling length bookshelves may seem expensive, but you can replicate the effect without purchasing high-end custom furniture. Measure your wall. Instead of building one giant bookcase, purchase four identical smaller bookcases that will fit in that space. Place two side by side for the base, and stack the other two on top. Be sure to bolt all four bookcases to the wall for stability.^[8]
   
2. Wallpaper the inside of your bookcase. An easy way to add a customized twist to an old bookcase is to wallpaper the back of the shelves. Find a wallpaper that matches your theme or color scheme. Cut the wallpaper to size of the backing of each shelf. Paste it on using wallpaper paste. Let it dry before you put items back on the shelves.^[9]
   
   • If you are using the bookcase to display decorative objects like vases or figurines, you might want to choose a solid color for the wallpaper, so that more attention is drawn to your collection.
   • If you are just using the shelves for books, you can choose a bold pattern, such as chevron stripes, polka dots, or a floral design. This will make the shelves an accent piece in their own right.
3. Paint your own tile backsplash. Small ceramic tiles are great for decorating the backsplash of kitchens or bathrooms, but decorated tiles are expensive. Plain white ceramic tiles, on the other hand, can be cheap.^[10] With a little time and effort, you can turn tiles into something stunning and extravagant.
   
   • Find a stencil of a design you like, such as a fleur-de-lis or a bird. Press the stencil down on the tile, and paint over the design. Let the tile dry, and you have an easy, beautiful tile. You can then adhere it to the wall using tile mastic.
   • Good places for painted tile backsplashes include underneath cabinets or above a countertop. Do not paint the tiles on your floor or along your shower or bath. Too much water damage can ruin the paint.^[11]
4. Use fake flowers instead of real. Fresh flowers are beautiful, but they can become costly. Instead, look for convincing fake flowers. Put together your own centerpiece, and arrange them in an inexpensive vase. You have an easy, reusable centerpiece.
   
   • Go for flowers that look as close to real as possible. You might even be able to find ones that also feel soft and natural. Your guests probably will not know the difference.
   • You can swap out flowers for each season and event, reusing the same flowers every year. Friends probably will not notice, but it will make it seem as though you are constantly updating your centerpiece.
5. Fill a vase to make a centerpiece. Vases are easy to find, and they can be relatively inexpensive. To help jazz up an empty vase, you can fill it with some small items. This will add a touch of character to your décor without costing a ton of money. Some things you can fill it with include:
   
   • Potpourri
   • Shells
   • Pieces of coral
   • Marbles
   • Buttons
   • Sticks
   • Wine corks^[12]
6. Repaint frames. Nice picture frames can be expensive, but you can manage a high quality look without paying a ton of money. Find inexpensive picture frames at a dollar store, craft store, or thrift store. Paint the frames with a color or design that pleases you.^[13]
   
   • Gold and silver paint are easy to find if you want a more distinguished shade.
   • You can add words as you like such as “Sisters” or “Friends Forever.” This will make it seem personalized.
   • Painting designs on your frames gives them a unique look. You can paint stripes, dots, or other easy geometric shapes.

EditTips

• The most important thing is that the room looks good to you. If you like the way the room looks, you do not have to worry so much if it appears expensive or not.
• While you should invest in good furniture pieces, such as sofas and tables, you can go cheap on accessories, like pillows and artwork, without people noticing.
• If you are making your own décor, you should choose projects that you know you can complete at your skill level.
• Always measure your space before buying new décor or furniture to make sure that it will fit.
• Try leaving a little bit of space between furniture and other objects to make the room seem larger than it is.

EditSteps and Citations

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How to Get Rid of a Savior Complex

Are you cursed with an incessant need to save or fix those around you? A savior complex, or white knight syndrome, is a personality construct that, at first glance, appears to be purely motivated by the urge to help. In truth, a savior complex is unhealthy and can often give a person an outlet to focus on so that they don’t address their own problems. If you suffer from a savior complex, you can be cured. Get rid of your need to rescue others by changing how you relate to others, focusing on your own needs, and looking for the root of your compulsive helping.

EditSteps

EditBuilding Healthier Relational Patterns

1. Become an active listener. Notice that oftentimes others may just want to vent, not be fixed. A big problem for many “rescuers” is assuming others are helpless and unable to resolve their own problems. If you take up the practice of listening more actively, you may learn that your help is not needed—just a supportive shoulder and listening ear.
   
   • When a partner or friend comes to you with a problem, aim to understand rather than immediately reply. Make occasional eye contact with the person. Face them. Examine their body language to cue into their emotional state (e.g. tensed shoulders may express fear or hesitation).
   • Offer nonverbal cues like nodding to show you’re listening. Try to separate what you’re hearing from your own judgments in order to connect to the speaker’s message. If you’re not sure of what they’re trying to convey ask clarifying questions like “Are you saying…?”^[1]
2. Wait before stepping in. In addition to actually listening to what your loved one is saying, defy your savior nature and wait it out. You may find that people can often help themselves if given the chance. In fact, you may have been unwittingly building learned helplessness or enabling your loved ones by always swooping in to save the day.^[2]
   
   • Challenge yourself to not offer help or advice when a loved one comes to you with a problem. Repeat a mantra in your head like “I can be present for a friend without rescuing or fixing.”
   • If a friend is going through a difficult time, try giving them validating statements instead of offering to help. For example, you can say, "I'm so sorry you're going through this right now." This shows your empathy without involving you in the problem.
3. Offer help only when requested. One key aspect of the savior complex is the ingrained desire to help even when it’s not wanted or requested. Automatically assuming everyone wants to be rescued can actually be insulting since it demonstrates that you don’t believe in their ability to help themselves.^[3] Prevent yourself from this by only taking action after a clear appeal for help.
   
   • For example, if a friend tells you about a bad day, simply listen without offering your own resolution. Only if the friend asks, “What do you think?” or “What should I do?” should you step into the helping role.
   • If a friend does ask for your help, only provide as much help as you are willing to give. Establish boundaries so that you do not over-commit yourself. For example, you can say, "I don't think that I can talk to your friend for you. What I can do is help you take your mind off of your fight."
4. Stop taking responsibility for other adults. Despite the close relationship you might have with partners, relatives, or friends, you need to realize that these individuals are separate entities in charge of their own lives. When you play the role of savior, you place everyone else into roles similar to helpless children or invalids.
   
   • It’s hard to see a loved one hurting or making a mistake, but it’s not your job to rescue them or correct every negative situation they encounter.^[4]
   • In fact, adversity is oftentimes a cornerstone to positive growth and development. They need to go through difficulty in order to learn and improve. If you take that from them, you rob them of learning opportunities.
   • To help others establish their independence, try asking them questions about how they might handle the situation. You might ask things like "What do you think you can do about this?" or "What options have you entertained?"
5. Accept your own inadequacy. Many people with the savior complex come off as goody two-shoes, lecturing others about their wrongdoings and many negative habits. While this may not be your intention, your loved ones may view your constant “fixing” habit as an indicator that you think they are broken or screwed up.
   
   • Everyone has flaws—even a savior. Realize that success is defined subjectively, based on the person. Don’t assume you know what’s right for others. Instead use the time you spend fixing others to focus on improving your own shortcomings.

EditFocusing on Yourself

1. Be single. The savior and white knight often jumps from relationship to relationship, “rescuing” the helpless or damaged. If this describes you, it may be time to take a hiatus from relationships. If you are not in a long-term or committed relationship, take some time to enjoy being single and nurturing your own needs.^[5]
   
   • Spending some time single can help you gain more awareness into your compulsive helping/rescuing tendencies. It can also give you time to explore the parts of yourself that trigger this habit.
   • You may want to set an amount of time that you remain single to help you keep this goal. For example, you might want to give yourself six months. During this time, set goals for your self-improvement.
2. Set objective goals for yourself. Compulsive helpers often allow their efforts to fix others to prevent them from doing any personal development of their own. What’s more, by viewing yourself as a savior you develop unrealistic goals that eventually wear away at your self-esteem. By creating realistic goals, you can rebuild. ^[6]
   
   • Select a goal for yourself that allows you to focus only on you. This might include anything from losing weight to writing a novel. Make it a SMART goal, which is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound.
   • You might say, “I want to lose 15 pounds in 10 weeks.” Then, map out how you will achieve this goal: “I will eat a serving of vegetables at every meal. I will exercise 5 days per week. I will drink only water.”
   • Run through your goals with another person. They may be able to tell if you if the goals are realistic or not. They may also be able to give you ideas to achieve your goals.
3. Create a self-care toolbox. Individuals with a savior complex frequently dedicate all their time and energy to others, placing them in dire need of self-care. Balance your excessive helping of others by doing something nice for yourself. Create a routine that includes various nurturing activities.
   
   • You might create a soothing nighttime ritual to help you sleep better. Adopt a new exercise habit such as running or yoga. Get your hair or nails done weekly. Or, simply run a warm bath and listen to relaxing music. Pour back into yourself.
   • Ask a friend or family member to be an accountability partner. This is a person who will check in and make sure you're following through with your self-care. Ask them to check in with you often.

EditAddressing the Core Issue

1. Examine past relationship patterns. Are you even aware of your innate need to fix or control others? Some people reading this may be in denial of a savior complex. By taking a closer look into your relationships with others, you can see a pattern of compulsive helping.
   
   • Have you stayed in a relationship in which you were unhappy because you thought the other person needed you?
   • Do you find yourself frequently worrying about others and their problems?
   • Do you feel guilty when others help or give to you?
   • Are you uncomfortable letting others experience negative emotions, so you quickly try to resolve the problem?
   • Do you exit unhealthy relationships only to find yourself connecting with similar people as your past partners?^[7]
   • If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to visit a therapist. A therapist can help you determine if these are unhealthy behaviors for you.
2. Spot aspects of yourself that you have neglected. You may not realize that in your attempt to fix everyone around you, you have left yourself starving emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Perform a self-assessment to look closer at areas of personal need. You may find that you have been projecting your own shortcomings onto those around you.^[8]
   
   • Identify your personal values. What beliefs, ideas, and principles drive your decisions and goals? Have you been living according to your values?
   • Examine your emotional intelligence. Are you able to recognize your emotions and effectively express them?
   • Take a look at your self-worth. Is your self-esteem connected to how much others value or need you?
3. Acknowledge and make peace with childhood trauma or neglect. The compulsive need to rescue or help others is often rooted in your childhood. Researchers believe those who suffer from a savior complex or white knight syndrome are trying to fix some negative sense of themselves that arose in early life. Low self-esteem, abuse, or neglect may have contributed to this complex. You may choose friends or partners who are going through distress similar to that which you experienced in childhood.^[9]
   
   • Awareness is the first step in being able to repair a damaged sense of self. Take notice of the relational patterns you form and offer yourself compassion. You might even say aloud, “I am drawn to damaged or toxic people because I am trying to rescue the part of myself that was abused as a child.”
   • In addition to acknowledging this connection, it may help to see a professional counselor who can work with you to heal from past wounds.
4. See a therapist for codependency issues. Deep down, people with savior complex or white knight syndrome have a problem with codependency. Codependency describes your reliance on others to feel emotional voids. In a sense, you neglect yourself in favor of doing for others because your self-worth comes from the desire to be needed.^[10]
   
   • You can recover from codependency by working with a competent mental health therapist who has experience in this area.
   • It may also help to participate in self-help support groups for people with codependency issues.
   • Researching codependency may help you identify your own patterns and needs. It can help you find a solution that works for you.

EditSources and Citations

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How to Choose Energizing Midday Snacks

Steps

Method 1

Having a Snack of Fruit

1. 1

   Eat some melon.

   Melons of all sorts make wonderful energizing snacks toward the middle of the day. You could try watermelon, honeydew melon, or cantaloupe.

   ^[1]

   • Mix and match diced melons in a tasty fruit salad.

2. 2

   Eat some peanut butter banana bites.

   Peanut butter banana bites are a wonderful bite-sized snack that take only seconds to make. Just slice a banana into somewhat thick slices. Scoop a teaspoon or so of peanut butter onto the banana slices. Use your hands or a fork to eat the peanut butter banana bites.

   ^[2]

3. 3

   Eat an apple.

   Apples provide ATP, a kind of fuel that your cells use to make energy. Eating an apple will keep your energy revving through the midday. If you wish, sprinkle a bit of nutmeg and/or cinnamon on your apple slices before eating them.

   ^[3]

4. 4

   Try oranges.

   Oranges are a juicy fruit containing vitamin C, potassium, and folate (a B-complex vitamin). These nutrients and vitamins will keep your energy levels high.

   ^[4]

5. 5

   Snack on some pineapple.

   Pineapple contains manganese, a powerful antioxidant and an important element in the operation of the nervous system. Pineapple is great on its own, but you could also work it into a smoothie for a refreshing snack.

   ^[5]

Method 2

Snacking on Veggies

1. 1

   Try some spiced chickpea nuts.

   Spiced chickpea nuts are actually not nuts at all. Rather, they’re just roasted chickpeas, often seasoned with garlic or red pepper spice. You can buy prepackaged spiced chickpea nuts in many grocery stores, or make them yourself at home.

   ^[6]

   • To make the spiced chickpea nuts at home, just drain a can of chickpeas and lay them on a baking tray. Sprinkle with olive oil, salt, and cayenne pepper. Bake in the oven at 450 degrees Fahrenheit (232 degrees Celsius) for 15 minutes.

2. 2

   Make some ants on a log.

   Ants on a log is a quick snack consisting of celery sticks with peanut butter spread on them, then sprinkled with raisins. Instead of raisins, you could use dried cranberries or dried cherries, and instead of peanut butter, try almond butter or cashew butter. Find a combo that you like to customize your energizing midday snack of ants on a log.

   ^[7]

3. 3

   Have some pureed vegetable soup.

   Pureed veggie soup – as opposed to a more traditional veggie soup consisting of vegetables floating about in a vegetable broth – allows your body to more easily absorb the vegetables’ nutrients. Warm a cup of purred vegetable soup up for quick and energizing midday snack.

   ^[8]

   • You could just pour some regular veggie soup in a blender and blend it until smooth, or snack on a soup that is already pureed, such as butternut squash soup or tomato soup.

4. 4

   Eat spinach.

   Spinach contains iron, a crucial ingredient in your body’s energy production. A spinach salad or a spinach smoothie might be just the snack you need to stay energized through the middle of the day.

   ^[9]

5. 5

   Try a cucumber sandwich.

   A cucumber sandwich typically contains three ingredients: bread, mayo, and cucumbers. Slice a cucumber into thin slices. Slather mayo on two slices of whole wheat bread. Lay your cucumbers in an even layer on one slice of bread, then place the other slice, mayo side down, on top. A cucumber sandwich has substantial amounts of B5, an energizing vitamin.

   ^[10]

   • Instead of regular bread, you could use a whole wheat pita pocket.

6. 6

   Eat edamame.

   Edamame are soy beans, a rich source of both protein and vitamin B. Pop some edamame seasoned with a bit of garlic, butter, and salt in the microwave for a quick snack.

   ^[11]

7. 7

   Try hummus.

   Hummus is a kind of blended chickpea mash. It makes a great dip for whole grain crackers, which provide complex carbohydrates to keep you fueled through the middle of the afternoon and beyond.

   ^[12]

   • Baby carrots, carrot chips, celery sticks, red pepper slices, or raw broccoli are great alternatives if you don’t have crackers on hand.^[13]
   • There are many varieties of hummus available such as red pepper hummus and garlic hummus. Choose one that appeals to you.

Method 3

Enjoying Protein Snacks

1. 1

   Snack on a protein bar.

   Protein bars are available in many flavors, including cherry, strawberry, and chocolate. Choose bars with at least five grams of protein and less than 15 grams of sugar. Many protein bars are high-calorie; aim to keep your portions to less than 100 calories.

   ^[14]

   • If you have a protein bar that has more than 100 calories, eat only half and save the rest for later.

2. 2

   Have some eggs.

   Eggs are a good source of vitamin B, which turns food into energy. You could try scrambled eggs, hardboiled eggs, or an over-easy egg on toast. For a lower cholesterol option, eat the egg whites only, not the yolk.

   ^[15]

3. 3

   Try beans.

   Beans contain magnesium and carbs, both of which are great for providing energy. You could try black beans, pinto beans, or baked beans with rice for a quick and energizing midday snack.

   ^[16]

Method 4

Choosing Grains for Midday Energy

1. 1

   Eat brown rice.

   Rice contains manganese, an important component in moving the energy stored in carbohydrates and protein into your body. If you enjoy a bit of spice in your snacks, a simple snack of kimchi and brown rice is perfect for a midday energy boost. A more elaborate snack might include brown rice with sweet potatoes, nuts, and raisins for an more energizing midday snack.

   ^[17]

   • White rice contains more sugar, and could cause your energy levels to crash after providing an initial boost. Stick to brown rice.

2. 2

   Try oatmeal.

   Oatmeal is a kind of grain which, when prepared with water or milk, turns into a delicious gruel perfect for cold winter days. Top your oatmeal with fruit, nuts, or syrup for a tasty snack.

   ^[18]

3. 3

   Have some quinoa.

   Quinoa is a kind of grain, not unlike rice or couscous. But quinoa has higher protein levels than any other grain, and therefore makes a great midday snack. Try using quinoa just as you would rice, topping it with a bit of tofu and curry or beans.

   ^[19]

4. 4

   Have some trail mix.

   Trail mix is a combination of dried fruits, nuts, and seeds. The natural sugars in dried fruits – raisins, banana chips, and dried strawberries, for instance – provide a great source of energy. And nuts increase protein levels. Don’t eat more than a handful, though, as carb levels that rise too quickly can cause sleepiness, which would defeat the purpose of eating trail mix as an energizing midday snack.

   ^[20]

   • Throw some roasted pumpkin seeds into your trail mix for an extra dose of energizing calcium, iron, and protein.^[21]
   • Flax seeds are also a great addition to trail mix.

5. 5

   Eat yogurt and granola.

   Granola has lots of protein to keep your energy high through the middle of the day. Paired with plain, low-fat yogurt, your midday snack will be irresistibly delicious, as well as energizing. Check the label on your granola to ensure it does not have added sugar.

   ^[22]

   • You could choose to sprinkle your yogurt with diced apples or blueberries if you wish to sweeten it a bit.

Method 5

Drinking Your Snack

1. 1

   Drink coconut water.

   Coconut water contains energizing electrolytes. And like regular water, it has hydrating properties that will keep you feeling fresh. The best way to obtain coconut water is by simply buying it prepackaged, but if you’re more adventurous you could get your own coconut and crack it open inside a pan or large bowl to collect the water within.

   ^[23]

   • Avoid coconut water containing added sugar.

2. 2

   Try an herbal tea.

   Herbal teas are those not prepared with tea leaves, but instead with infusions of spices, fruits, and herbs. You might, for instance, enjoy ginger tea, ginseng tea, hibiscus tea, or elderberry tea. Herbal teas do not contain caffeine, but can improve blood flow through your veins, thus providing invigoration.

   ^[24]

3. 3

   Make a smoothie.

   A smoothie is a drink that contains solid foods blended together until totally dissolved. For instance, you might enjoy a banana chocolate smoothie as your energizing midday snack. Just drop one banana, two tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder, ½ cup silken tofu, and ½ cup milk into a blender. Blend on high for thirty seconds.

   ^[25]

   • If you find the consistency is too thick, add ¼ cup water, then mix again.
   • For a colder smoothie, add three ice cubes to the mix.

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Sources and Citations

1. ↑ http://ift.tt/2oOuLgC
2. ↑ http://ift.tt/2oOGv2U
3. ↑ http://ift.tt/2cFF3Jr
4. ↑ http://ift.tt/2biIK4i
5. ↑ http://ift.tt/2biIK4i
6. ↑ http://ift.tt/2p09Kvz
7. ↑ http://ift.tt/1BUOURq
8. ↑ http://ift.tt/2cFF3Jr
9. ↑ http://ift.tt/2biIK4i
10. ↑ http://ift.tt/2oZQzSC
11. ↑ http://ift.tt/2oZXP0S
12. ↑ http://ift.tt/2biIK4i
13. ↑ http://ift.tt/2cFF3Jr
14. ↑ http://ift.tt/2p09qNa
15. ↑ http://ift.tt/2oZQzSC
16. ↑ http://ift.tt/2oOCSKf
17. ↑ http://ift.tt/2oOJtnN
18. ↑ http://ift.tt/2biIK4i
19. ↑ http://ift.tt/2p03sMr
20. ↑ http://ift.tt/2p08SXV
21. ↑ http://ift.tt/2cFF3Jr
22. ↑ http://ift.tt/2aLr7LN
23. ↑ http://ift.tt/2cFF3Jr
24. ↑ http://ift.tt/2biIK4i
25. ↑ http://ift.tt/2oOGvzW

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