How to Talk Politics at Holiday Gatherings

The holidays are usually time for family, friends and celebrations! Unfortunately, fun times can turn tense if the conversation turns political. If you either can’t or don’t want to avoid the subject, there are some guidelines you can follow to maintain the holiday spirit. Remember to be respectful and polite, and look for ways to diffuse tension. If all else fails, you can make an early exit or even stay home to avoid a fight. Don’t worry, you can still have a happy holiday season despite political chatter!

EditSteps

EditHaving Constructive Conversations

1. Be open-minded. Don’t arrive at a family dinner with pre-conceived notions. Maybe you know how your Aunt Sally voted in a recent election, but that doesn’t mean you know how she’ll behave. If you go into a situation expecting tension and negativity, that’s likely what you’ll get.^[1]
   
   • Walk in with a smile on your face and a friendly hello for everyone.
   • If Aunt Sally brings up politics, don’t assume she’s trying to pick a fight with you. Wait to see how the conversation goes.
2. Establish your boundaries. Before you attend a gathering, think about your comfort level. Are you okay talking politics? Do you need to avoid certain topics. Set boundaries for yourself, and communicate those boundaries to your friends and family.^[2]
   
   • You could say, “My blood pressure starts to rise after about 10 minutes of election talk, so I’ll be heading to watch football if the conversation goes much longer than that.”
   • Another thing to try is, “I’m happy to talk politics, but can we agree to not interrupt one another?”
   • You can also make certain topics off limits. Consider saying, “You know, talking about immigration is really personal for me. Could we save that discussion for when there are fewer people around?”
3. Refuse to argue. You can talk politics without getting into a fight. Give yourself a rule that you will not allow yourself to be drawn into an argument. If tensions seem to be rising, try saying, “Well, I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one. Want to take a break for a minute and get some pie?”^[3]
   
   • Don’t interrogate someone. A good way to avoid an argument is to keep yourself from peppering them with aggressive questions about their stance. In turn, refuse to let someone else interrogate you.
4. Listen to the other person. When you’re talking politics, make sure to give the other person a chance to talk. It can be easy to get on your soap box about an issue that is important to you. Try not to get carried away. Get others involved by saying, “I guess I’ve made my point clear. What are your thoughts on the issue, Bill?”^[4]
   
   • Show that you are listening by maintaining eye contact and occasionally nodding your head.
   • You can ask questions for clarification. Try saying, “I’ve never heard that theory about climate change. Do you mind my asking where you heard that information?”
5. Be respectful. It’s important to remain polite and courteous during political conversations. Don’t revert to name calling or saying hurtful things about the other person’s character. You should also keep your tone of voice down and avoid making hostile gestures such as pointing your finger in someone’s face.^[5]
   
   • If someone insults you, try saying, “I’m happy to keep talking to you, but if we could keep things more civil, I’d really appreciate it.”
6. Limit the alcohol. Alcohol has been know to fuel many arguments about politics. If you know that the topic is going to come up, try limiting yourself to just a glass or two of wine. You want to be calm and collected when you talk about sensitive subjects.^[6]
   
   • If you notice Cousin Connie has really been hitting the eggnog hard, it might be a good idea not to walk up and start talking about election results.
7. Keep it kid friendly. At many gatherings, kids will be present. It’s okay to talk politics over the dinner table, but remember that they are there and listening. Watch your language, and avoid talking about topics in a graphic manner. For example, you don’t have to go into detail about the images you saw from a recent mass-shooting.^[7]
   
   • Encourage others to keep things kid friendly. Try, “Hey, Bill, I get where you’re coming from, but could you avoid using that language in front of my kids? Thanks.”

EditDiffusing Tense Situations

1. Look for something positive to say. If a debate over politics seems to be heating up, try to remind yourself and others to say something encouraging. For example, if you find yourself yelling about changes to women’s health care, take a deep breath and re-frame the situation. You could say, “I guess we’re all upset about this issue. At least we live in a country where we’re allowed to peacefully protest. Who’s up for heading to that march this weekend?”^[8]
   
   • If your uncle is worried that immigration reform is going to hurt his employees, try saying, “That’s a tough problem. I know a great immigration attorney. Let’s give her a call tomorrow and see how she can help.”
2. Make a joke. Laughter is a great way to diffuse tension. If you can see that someone is getting angry, try to insert some humor into the situation. You can say, “I see you two are getting pretty upset. I can’t wait to see what happens when you remember it’s your turn to do the dishes this year!”^[9]
   
   • If your cousin is upset by election results, you could say, “At least you’re in good company. I doubt Hillary is having much fun right now, either.”
3. Change the subject. If you can’t see a way to make the tone lighter, it is probably time to switch topics. You can ask others for their cooperation by saying, “Hey everyone, let’s relax for a bit. Did anyone watch the new episode of This is Us last night?”^[10]
   
   • If necessary, you can even make an awkward transition and just insert yourself into an argument by saying something like, “How about those Cubbies!”
4. Walk away. If nothing that you’ve tried works, it’s okay to leave the room--and the conversation. There will be plenty of other times to debate health care. Don’t let politics ruin the only time you get to see your friends who live in a different state. Join another group of people and start a new, enjoyable conversation.^[11]
   

EditAvoiding Political Discussions Altogether

1. Ask for the guest list. If you are concerned about potential conflicts, you can try to find out who else will be attending the gathering. You don’t have to make a big deal out of asking the host who else is coming; you can keep it casual. Try saying, “It sounds like your holiday party will be fun! Who all are you expecting?”^[12]
   
   • You can also make it more specific, if necessary. Maybe you know that you and your friend Brian are likely to get into an argument. You could just ask the host, “Do you know if Brian’s coming?”
   • If you are concerned that you won’t be able to have a good time, you can give a polite, “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make it this year.”
   • Choose to go to gatherings where you will feel comfortable and where you can expect to enjoy yourself.
2. Speak to the host beforehand. If your inner circle is known for getting into heated debates, you might feel wary about heading into the holiday party season. If you just don’t feel up for tense discussions, try asking if everyone is willing to keep the conversations light and fun this year. The host is a great person to enlist to help you make this request.^[13]
   
   • For example, maybe your friend Kate is organizing friendsgiving this year. Ask her if she would mind saying, “Let’s embrace the holiday spirit and leave the politics at the door just this once. Come over for dinner around 5 p.m.!”
3. Keep the politics out of the office holiday party. It’s generally best to avoid talking about politics at work. You might inadvertently strain your relationship with a coworker or even your boss. Politics can become very emotional and detract from the professional atmosphere of the workplace. It’s probably a good idea to extend this rule to the office holiday party. It might seem like you’re all friends just having fun, but you don’t want there to be tension on Monday morning.^[14]
   
   • If you’re gathered around the punch bowl and someone says, “Wow, can you believe those Trump tweets this morning?” deflect and say, “These sure are interesting times! Did you get a chance to try the shrimp cocktail? It’s delicious!”
4. Limit your interactions with difficult people. You might feel very passionately about politics and want to engage in constructive debates. Sometimes, however, that’s just not possible. For example, if you’re really liberal, you just might not be willing to listen to your conservative friend’s opinions. While it’s great to engage, it is okay to give yourself a break during the holiday season. Decline invitations if you know you’ll end up in an argument. If you do attend, strike up a light conversation with a neutral person.^[15]
   
   • Hopefully your mom will understand if you have to say, “Mom, please excuse me from your holiday party this year. I just really can’t deal with my cousin Beth right now. I’m still happy to help you out by picking up the pies from the bakery.”

EditTips

• Acknowledge that political debate is healthy. A democracy counts on people being able to share and voice ideas, arguments and opinions.
• Remember to keep discussions civil.
• Don't allow others to treat you with disrespect.
• It's okay to turn down an invitation.

EditSources and Citations

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