Coping with a failed relationship is always difficult, and after being in a one-sided relationship it may seem that things will never go your way. Many have fallen victim to one sided loving that depletes your energy and increases disappointment, but all is not lost. As human beings, we all have the ability to recover, renew our spirits, and help ourselves get out of this miserable situation. Learning how to get over an ex and move on can help you feel stronger, more independent, and ready to meet someone who will offer you mutual happiness.
EditSteps
EditGetting Over the Relationship
- Acknowledge the problems. Many people lie to themselves during or after an unhealthy relationship. They try to convince themselves that things were generally good, that the person did actually care for them, and they may wonder whether it was a mistake to end the relationship. However, there absolutely is a reason you ended the relationship. And even if some parts of that relationship were comforting or pleasant, that does not justify or excuse the bad times.[1]
- Any time you find yourself questioning whether it was right to end the relationship, think back to the things that made you so unhappy. Deep down you will probably recognize that you could not realistically live with those unpleasant qualities, such as a lack of emotion or support.[2]
- Allow yourself to be upset. It's okay to feel distressed after ending a relationship, especially one in which you were not cared for or respected. You may be feeling sad and lonely, or you may be feeling stronger emotions like worthlessness or self-doubt. It's perfectly okay to feel these things after ending a relationship, and it's healthy to mourn the loss of the relationship, but it's important that you don't believe any the self-doubting thoughts you might be experiencing.[3]
- Remember that it's not your fault that you were mistreated or taken for granted. You can feel upset for having gone through the things you've experienced without succumbing to the belief that you're somehow responsible.
- Not grieving the loss of a relationship can lead to worse emotional states, including depression and anxiety.[4] Don't bottle up the way you feel, but find healthy outlets for your feelings.
- Remember that the hurt is temporary. When any relationship ends, it's easy to feel as though we'll mourn forever. But the reality is that simply isn't true. The way you feel during a relationship's termination is temporary, and the self-doubt you may experience is completely unfounded.[5]
- Any feelings of doubt or negativity stem from insecurity, sadness, and fear. They do not stem from your actual experiences, and they are not an accurate reflection of who you are or what you deserve.[6]
- Find things that nurture your health. After a bad relationship, you may be feeling all sorts of bad or self-doubting emotions. During this time, it is more important than ever to do things that make you feel good and feel good about yourself.[7]
- Try getting more physical activity and spending more time outdoors for a natural boost in serotonin and dopamine.[8]
- Focus on today. You aren't going to move past the hurt feelings overnight, and you're not going to find the perfect relationship overnight. All you can do is take one day at a time. Focus on feeling better today, and little by little you will. Don't worry about moving on or finding a new relationship until you've adequately gotten through the hard times and the hurt.[9]
- Do little things for yourself each day to feel good about yourself and confident in your worth.
- Don't try to rush any part of the process. All you can do is work on yourself today and trust that you'll be ready for the next relationship when the time comes.[10]
- Don't lose hope. When a relationship has ended, you may still hope that you'll be able to fix things - that the person you cared about will realize his or her errors, and work on learning to love and respect you. Eventually, you'll realize that that person will not change. But when that happens, it's important not to lose hope altogether. You simply need to convert that hope into hope for the future. You'll realize that you want to move on, and at some point you'll hope you can live a happier and more fulfilling life now that that person is out of your life.[11]
- Remember that you are not defined by your relationship. You can and will move on, it will just take time.
EditMoving On
- Look forward to the future. Though it may be difficult to see in the moment, you're ultimately setting yourself up for greater happiness and fulfillment in future relationships by ending an unhealthy one. You recognized that the previous relationship was unhealthy and unfulfilling, and you made the right decision to get out of it. Once you move on from the hurt, you'll feel happier, more vibrant, and you'll open yourself to the better relationship that you deserve.[12]
- Decide what you want. Up to this point you've done an excellent job pinpointing what it is you do not want from your relationship. But it's equally important to figure out what it is you do want. This will help you avoid falling into the same one-sided relationship all over again.[13]
- Remember that people tend to operate based on patterns, whether conscious or subconscious. If you have a history of one-sided relationships in your life, step back and look at why you choose that type of relationship, and what keeps you unwilling or unable to break that pattern.[14]
- Make a written list of the ideal characteristics and qualities you want in a relationship. Then make a separate written list of the things you did not like about your previous one-sided relationship. Compare these two lists and see if perhaps something from your desired list crosses over or could lead to something from your undesirable list.
- Remember that you deserve happiness. If you're recovering from a relationship in which you were not loved or respected, you may have internalized a lot of the suffering that stemmed from that relationship. Perhaps you might even doubt the fact that you deserve to be happy. But the truth is you do deserve to be happy - everyone does. And you also deserve someone who will make you feel good about yourself.[15]
- The other person's unwillingness to love you and their treatment of you are reflections on that person's shortcomings, not on you.[16]
- Seek out energizing and uplifting people. Everyone should have energizing/uplifting people in their lives, but if you're coming out of an unloving relationship that need is even more important. Surround yourself with supportive and uplifting friends, and distance yourself from anyone else in your life whose affection or friendship is not reciprocal.[17]
- When you do feel ready to build a new relationship, you should likewise seek out someone who makes you feel energized and uplifted. That kind of support and affirmation is important, and should not be taken for granted as you move on from your unhealthy relationship.[18]
EditTips
- Remember that getting over any relationship takes time, and a bad or unloving relationship may take even longer. Be patient, focus on feeling happy, and take one day at a time.
EditWarnings
- Try to avoid going to the places where you know the hurtful person spends time.
EditSources and Citations
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