How to Get Through Your First Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting

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Three Parts:Preparing for the MeetingFinding the Right Meeting For YouAttending the MeetingCommunity Q&A

Going to your first Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting can be challenging. You likely don’t know what to expect or you have false images about AA meetings from the media, pop culture, and other alcoholics. Some people are court ordered to go to meetings and may feel resentful about being forced to attend. Remember that everyone in AA had to walk into their first meeting, so you are not alone in feeling scared or anxious. But once you walk in, you will be among friends, peers, and sources of support.

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Steps

Part 1

Preparing for the Meeting

1. 1

   Understand the purpose of AA.

   Alcoholics Anonymous is an international fellowship of men and women who have had a drinking problem. It is self-supporting, non-professional, multiracial, apolitical, and available almost everywhere in North America. There are no age or education requirements to becoming a member of AA. Membership is open to anyone who wants to do something about their drinking problem.

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   • The primary purpose of AA is to help addicts stay sober and assist others who may turn to AA for help achieving sobriety. AA does not recruit members, or actively seek to turn everyone sober. But AA welcomes new members and encourages sharing and support among members.^[2]
   • Some people are required to attend AA by court order. Others choose to attend AA due to their personal struggle with addiction. If you are not sure if AA is right for you, you can take a 12 question quiz on the Alcoholics Anonymous website to determine if you are ready for AA.^[3]

2. 2

   Learn the rules and guidelines of AA.

   You may be worried about being hugged as soon as you walk into an AA meeting or hounded with questions about your problems. In fact, AA meetings are not like going to the doctor or like going to a prayer circle. They are casual and though you may be encouraged to speak, you are not required to say anything and you can decline to speak if you are uncomfortable.

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   The AA/Support Group Guidelines, which are followed every meeting are:

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   • Keep confidentiality: “What you hear stays here”.
   • Make “I” statements: Avoid using “you” or “we”. For example: “I am Stephan. I am an alcoholic.”
   • Stay in the “Here and Now”: Share what you are dealing with today or this week.
   • Share feelings about your experiences, strengths, and hopes.
   • No fixing or advice giving to other members.
   • No crosstalk or asking of questions. Listen first.
   • AA meetings do not cost anything to attend. There is usually a collection passed around at the end of the meetings to cover the cost of renting the meeting space and paying for refreshments. But there is no expectation to contribute.^[6]
   • Quite a few AA meetings are held in church halls, but only because they are convenient and affordable venues. AA groups are in no way affiliated with any religious organizations. The AA program can be spiritual, but what exactly this means is left up to individual members to decide.^[7]

3. 3

   Get familiar with the structure of an AA meeting.

   Every AA meeting is 1 hour long. It will have a set format and structure, so after your first meeting, you can expect mostly the same format every time. The only thing that will change is the topic of discussion.

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   One of the traditions of AA is that members are all trusted servants, so no one governs the group. But there will be a Chairperson who has volunteered to lead, or chair, that particular meeting. Usually this will be someone who has a number of years in AA recovery. The basic structure of most AA meetings is:

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   • Welcome: Chairperson starts the meeting with a welcome such as, “I am Jenna, an alcoholic. I would like to welcome you to the Monday evening AA meeting. We would like to give a special welcome to new attendees and have you introduce yourselves.” New attendees will then introduce themselves, though this is not required.
   • Chairperson reads the “AA Preamble”: "ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety."
   • The Chairperson then asks a member to read the “How It Works” section from the AA book.
   • The “12 Traditions” of AA are read by a member or members.^[10]
   • The AA/ Support Group Guidelines may be reviewed if new people are present.
   • The Chairperson suggests a topic or step for discussion. Each time someone shares, they will begin by first saying their name, for example, Mark: “I am Mark, I am an alcoholic.” The group will then respond with a greeting, such as “Hi Mark.” After someone finished sharing, the group will respond with thanks, for example, “Thanks Mark.” This builds respect.
   • When it is time for the meeting to close, the Chairperson will ask the attendees for someone to chair the next meeting. She will then ask all attendees to stand and hold hands and say the “Serenity Prayer”: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".
   • At the end of the prayer, the group may say "keep coming back it works if you work it".
   • The meeting is now officially over. Attendees may stay and have informal discussions or ask questions of one another before leaving. Coffee or tea may be available after the meeting.

Part 2

Finding the Right Meeting For You

1. 1

   Note the different types of AA meetings.

   Each AA group follows the rules and guidelines of the AA program, but they can have their own agenda and mandate. There are several different types of AA meetings:

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   • Step meetings: Follow the 12 steps outlined by Alcoholics Anonymous.^[12] Each meeting focuses on one of these steps. The step will be read out loud and commented on by members. Not everyone in the group will be on that step, but everyone gets a chance to talk about what the step means to them.
   • Big Book meetings: These meetings use a reading for the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous to spark discussion.^[13] Several pages may be read aloud by a volunteer and members take turns reading a portion of the Book. There is a round the room discussion of a chosen topic from the Book.
   • Speaker meetings: These meetings are less participatory, as a single speaker will be talking for most of the meeting. The speaker will recount their experiences with alcohol and AA to instruct and guide other members. Some of these meetings will be open to the general public.
   • Location specific meetings: A meeting can be formal or casual, based on the setting of the meeting. Church meetings (run by a church, not just a meeting held at a church) may be styled toward whichever religion is sponsored by the group. There are also smoking and non-smoking meetings offered, though with recent bans on smoking indoors, smoking meetings are less common.
   • Beginner meetings: These are meetings for people who are new to AA and want to learn more about the program. The agenda and structure for these meetings will likely follow the traditional AA structure.^[14]
   • Open and closed meetings: Open meetings are for anyone and Closed meetings are for alcoholics only. Many groups don’t adhere to this distinction and it is not uncommon for regular participants in a meeting to be unclear whether their meeting is officially open or closed. Family and friends of an AA members, as well as observers, are welcome at open meetings. Closed meetings are reserved for those who consider themselves alcoholics or who are investigating the possibility for themselves. Newcomers are always welcome to closed meetings.^[15]
   • Special purpose meetings: AA clubs often offer alternative to traditional drinking opportunities, such as alcohol-free holiday meetings and parties. These meetings are a safe place for alcoholics to go for the Super Bowl or to celebrate Halloween. Some meetings can focus on an event in a club member’s life, such as a wedding or death of a loved one.

2. 2

   Locate an AA meeting near you.

   Look for a list of meetings online on the Alcoholics Anonymous website, located

   here

   . You can also search online for the contact number of your local drug and alcohol commission. They often have local meeting lists available in their office. Any local treatment facilities will also provide you with a free local list of meetings.

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   • Once you find your first meeting, you will be able to get a list of other meetings there. The meeting list will provide the name of the meetings, the time and place of the meetings, and what kind of meetings are available in your area.
   • Besides the types of AA meetings, there are also certain group distinctions for each chapter. For example, meetings may be mixed (male and female), men only, or women only. Meeting schedules are indicated by codes (MO for men only, WO for women only) if a meeting is restricted.

3. 3

   Ask someone in recovery for a meeting recommendation.

   This is one of the best ways to find a meeting that is right for your recovery. If you know someone who attends AA meetings or who is an existing member of AA, talk to her about which type of AA meeting might be the right fit.

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   • It also may feel less scary or intimidating to attend an AA meeting based on a recommendation from someone already in AA.

4. 4

   Find a buddy to attend the first meeting.

   If you have a friend or acquaintance who is an AA member, ask her if you can attend your first meeting in her group or together in a different group. You can also contact the your local AA Central Office and ask for a volunteer to call someone in AA who would be willing to go to a meeting with you.

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   • Going to AA takes courage, so don’t be afraid to reach out to existing AA members for support.

Part 3

Attending the Meeting

1. 1

   Arrive on time.

   As part of AA protocol, meetings always start on time, on the dot. Try to get to the meeting 5 minutes early or right on time to ensure you can find a seat and get comfortable.

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   • AA meetings always last one hour, and no longer. You should turn off your cell phone and shut off any other distractions for the duration of the meeting. You may be asked to leave if you disrupt the meeting with cross talk (or talking over others), cell phones, or any other inappropriate behavior.^[20]
   • Once you sit down, you will usually be welcome or greeted by AA members. They may introduce themselves or offer to shake hands. But you are not obligated to participate in small talk or share your personal story right away.^[21]

2. 2

   Listen and only share if you feel comfortable.

   Often, people’s first AA meetings are about listening to others and learning how AA works. Though the Chairperson may ask you to share your thoughts during the discussion, you are in no way obligated to participate or respond. Simply decline to share if you are not ready and listen to others in the group. You’ll soon discover you are in a room with peers who are struggling with the same feelings and issues as you.

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   • Try to stay until the end of the meeting. One strategy newcomers might do is “arriving late and leaving early” due to fear or anxiety around attending the meeting. Do this will only lead to an unstructured meeting schedule and a stilted recovery. Counter this by arriving early for the meeting and leaving late. Stick around after the meeting and try to talk to the other members over refreshments.^[23]
   • By the end of the meeting, you should feel welcome and accepted in the group. Though you may have only listened for an hour, you should start to see the AA group as a place where you can be honest and open about your struggles.

3. 3

   Go to another meeting if you feel it was useful. If you feel comfortable with the structure of the AA group, attend next week’s meeting, or go to another meeting in another group. Over time, you should start to feel comfortable enough to participate in the discussions and share your inner struggles. As the AA mantra says,"keep coming back it works if you work it".

4. 4

   Think about getting a sponsor.

   A sponsor is someone who can help you, as a newcomer, stay sober. They do this by sharing their own personal experiences and struggles. However, they are not doctors or professional therapists. An alcoholic who has remained sober for at least 6 months and has a desire to spend time with a newcomer is considered a good sponsor candidate. Generally, sponsors have worked through at least the first 5 steps of AA. They are volunteers who are not compensated financially for their time.

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   • The sponsor will often suggest you work through the 12 steps of AA, and encourage you to attend AA meetings and connect with other members.
   • The sponsor should not impose their personal views on you. They should not demand anything of you or try to control you. They should also never lend you money or help you get a job or an income. Instead, they should help you recognize triggers for your alcoholism and work through your daily struggles with alcohol.
   • You should get together at least once a week with your sponsor, often before or after an AA meeting and whenever there is a special need.

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